Have to Start Somewhere

I need to change.  I am unhappy with my life and the largest reason for it is because I am unhappy with my body.  I feel trapped inside this cage of fat, like I am already dead inside it at times.  Of course that usually just makes me even more depressed so that I eat even more and want to do even less.  It is time for a change.  I cannot go on the way I am or in 7 years, by the time my daughter is 10, she will either be completely embarrassed by her obese mother or the weight will of killed me.  I am not okay with either outcome so my path must change!

This is me.  I took the above photo this past week.  As of this week I weigh 285lbs.  I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life and I didn't even think it was possible to be this large.  I am now the size of one of those people you see on Extreme Weight-Loss, Biggest Loser or an article in People Magazine.  I am not even being mean to myself, it is just the reality that if you look up any of those people they started out close to my size.

I have very few photos of myself by myself in the past 3 years and I try to avoid full body photos of myself at all costs.  However, you cannot avoid photos completely and still participate in life so I have a few.

That is from my little brother's High School Graduation last May.  I remember seeing it and literally wanting to die.  Then in July I participated in the Chalk Walk and there was another full body photo of me.

I was depressed before I saw the picture but the picture didn't help.  This was the sixth year in a row I had participated in the Chalk Walk and by far the hardest one to physically handle.  I don't want to miss out on things I enjoy because of my weight.

I have made a promise to myself that I will change.  I am going to remove the mask of fat I hide behind and get my confidence back.  I have no choice.  I have to.